Gum drops and empty promises.

When I look in the mirror, I see gum drops and empty promises.

I have every intention of getting up at 4 in the morning or working out on a daily basis, I haven't been following through.

 At this moment, I am a hot mess especially when it comes to teaching. Take yesterday, I had to ask my colleague for a copy of the Smarter Balance classroom activity as I misplaced my copy that was given. 

I'm thankful I had a chance to work out before I had my dose of food poisoning.

Yesterday, I talked to Elizabeth in hopes to get resources for science since I will be starting at the new school soon.  She then told me that I need to show up to work instead of going to jury duty.  She meant I could always postpone jury duty.  Sure enough, I took her advice.  For the next hour and a half, I had anxiety attacks.  It felt like my heart was about to burst out.   My anxiety lowered when I talked to Katje, she told me that I need to be like the road to Buddha.  She told me that a guy left his town, came up to Buddha and asked him about the town. The Buddha answered how was your town before?  The man said his town was horrible. "Well then, this town is also horrible."  Another man comes up to the Buddha and asks about the town.  The Buddha then asks how was is old town?  The another man responded that it was a pleasant town, everybody was helpful, they would give their shirt off their backs.

From what I get from Buddha, life is what you make of it.  There are no positives, no negatives, it's what you make of it.

Happiness

Happiness begins with myself.

Today at work, I felt an all time low. One of my second grade student was fixated how she lost her pencil.  I offered to give one of my pencil and told her all the pencils are the same.  She started crying and throwing pencil shavings on the floor. Students began feeding off her negative energy.
I felt like I was a failure since I have no classroom management.

Talking over with Jamie, I was telling her I was thinking about changing schools or careers.  She then told me that I need to be happy within myself.  Our discussion resonated with a poster how successful people are and unsuccessful people are.

Green Grass

I was complaining to Terry about how the grass was greener on the other side, how everyone seemed to be successful (being in a relationship, owning a house, being able to travel). I also noted how the girl I went out on a date was not interested in going out with me.  Initially, I felt rejected, the truth is that I need to work on my body language and aura conveyed negative energy.


I had a self realization that I should do things that make me happy. An abstract concept and at this moment, I have a difficult time grasping abstract concepts, I figured I should come up with a list that makes me happy.  Having trouble listing, I decided to use the Internet to come up with possible activities that I would enjoy.  It came down to being around nature, kayaking, and cooking.


Terry also pointed out that a possible reason why the date might not be interested in going out with me is how I have a lack of empathy, how I do not have a connection with the other person.  Trying to visualize myself in others' situations and being curious about the other person is an essential foundation to strengthen my empathy skills.

Hearing about Tai Yen, how he spent Thanksgiving by himself, I began thinking I could end up like him when I get to his age. Tai, a 52 year old man who has been unemployed for at least 4 years refuses to work on himself (physically, job opportunities, living situation, goals). I felt inspired, after all, my life is what I make out of it.   I can either feel sorry about life or do something about it. If I do not work on myself, I will end up like Tai.

Today is a new day, a fresh start. My lawn has an abundant of blooming tulips. Today, I am glad Terry talked about my recurring issues. I am grateful to have friends that look out for me.