8 in a Thursday morning, I was laying in bed while reading a book. I decided to take a short break and turned on the television, a commercial about the Terra Cota soldiers was going to be at the Bower's Museum.  I felt an urge to go check out the Terra Cota soldiers.  Tell me about a time when you were spontaneous.

reflection.

In the past couple of weeks, I made some progress but it appears that I have regressed.
The lessons I learned were not to be needy but the girl that I was interested in appeared interested in me by expressing interest in meeting with my grandparents.  Although it was a great experience, reflecting back now, just because a girl express interest in meeting with the family does not necessary mean she is interested in you.

I need to continue to focus on myself, continue to work on myself and better myself.

Yesterday's learned lesson

• When at work, be professional.  Don't reveal your personal life.  It's going to end up biting you in the butt or in this case, heart. I confided in the title coordinator about the girl I have feelings for.  She basically told the girl, the girl asked me about the situation.  I couldn't recall.
  One lesson learned: as a guy, don't confide with coworkers.  I'm beginning to treat every situation as if I was holding a gun, I need to THINK and accept the consequences for everything I do and say, you never know if it's going to bite you in the butt.
• When a girl time projects in a positive manner, you should go along. Case and point, the girl that I am interested mentioned about caring for her while she is old, the new me will go along and note we're be cute together, me spoon-feeding her and she can give me daily sponge-bath.
• Today is the new day of the rest of my life.
• Thank you God for providing these experiences. Thank you God for blessing me with great students and working at a great school with a great support team.  Thank you God for always watching over me.

Positive affirmations...

As I love myself, I allow others to love me too.

Flaws are transformed by love and acceptance.

I love the way I feel when I take care of myself.

Fear is only a feeling; it will not hold me back.

I know that I can master anything if I do it enough times.

Today, I am willing to fail in order to succeed.

I believe that I have the strength to make my dreams come true.

I’m going to relax and have fun with this, no matter what the outcome may be.

I’m proud of myself for even daring to try.

Today I put my full trust in my inner guidance.

I grow in strength with every forward step I take.

With a solid plan and a belief in myself, there’s nothing I can’t do.

Today I expand my awareness of the abundance all around me.

I allow the universe to bless me in surprising and joyful ways.

I exude passion, purpose, and prosperity.

As my commitment to help others grows, so does my wealth.

My day is filled with limitless potential in joy, abundance and love.

My unique skills and talents can make a profound different in the world.

I am meant to do great things.

I trust the universe to deliver my highest good in every situation.

By becoming peace, I create peace in every experience.

Peace comes when I let go of trying to control every tiny detail.

Today I open my mind to the endless opportunities.

Let each of my experiences today be a gateway to something even better.

Each decision I make creates new opportunities.

All of my relationships are meaningful and fulfilling.

I am ready for a healthy, loving relationship.

I trust the universe to know the type of partner who is perfect for me.

As I share my love with others the universe mirrors love back to me.

I am grateful for the people in my life.

My energy and vitality are increasing everyday.

Thank you for my strength, my health, and my vitality.

Today I awaken to my higher wisdom

My inner voice guides me in every moment.

I am centered, calm, and clear.

I always know the right actions to achieve my goals.

When I know where I’m going, getting there is a cinch!

Today I am completely tuned in to my inner wisdom.

I trust my feelings and insights.

I’m proud of all I have accomplished.

Today I give myself permission to be greater than my fears.

 I love myself no matter what.

I don’t have to be perfect; I just have to be me.

The past couple of days, I have been thankful for the parent conferences that went well.  Also, I am still learning the school dynamics, knowing when to keep my mouth shut and learning who to talk to.

the quote that changed a man. "our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand."

So? A question I need to ask myself, I have a tendency to get in my head.

Why? or Is it necessary for me to say it? 

What happens if I were to say it?

I am blessed to meet a high school student by the name of Hansen, who is aspiring to be a cardiologist and is learning how to fence.  He told me that he will be the first person in his family to get a college degree.  Times like this makes me appreciate how our children can learn and become whatever they desire to become. 

I am also blessed to meet a woman who practiced yoga for four years.  We are all here, the masters of our own universe.

I really, really, really, really want to be the positive, social, confident man that I am.  Everything I do has a purpose.

I am thankful for today.

Today, I happened to do some planning at Cafe Ambroso over in Long Beach where there are open fire pits.


Raising money/donating toys for Christmas while supporting my gay brothers.


Seeing Rachel at Chuck E. Cheese while talking to mom about smiles, teaching, and life.

Working out while trying my best.
Having dinner with grandparents and told them that I am grateful to have wonderful grandparents and today is a new start, we talked for a bit.

Good times.

I really, really, really, really, really want to be the confident, social, positive person that I am.  I really, really, really, really, really, really want to be a person with purpose.  Everything I do has a purpose, has a reason.

Saturday,

I really, really, really, really, really want to be the social, positive, confident person that displays all the points in the scout law.
I remember saying and chanting this as part of my mantra and then I decided to change my mantra to I really, really, really, really, really want to be the social, positive, confident person that everything I do has a purpose.  Don't get me wrong, I am incorporating the scout law more into my life, I just figured everything happened for a reason and everything has a purpose.

Today's life lessons for which I am thankful for:
I began opening the door for a guy named Chris as he was heading out of the gym. We started talking about working out, triceps-chest, biceps-back, legs, and cardio, lots of cardio.  He suggested to get out of the comfort zone and push yourself. A strategy I am using outside of the gym.  He also asked where do you see yourself in a year?  I began to think of my career, my life....
A year from now begins today, I developed more social skills, had a chance to talk to new people.  The events that happened has made me a stronger, better person.

At the smog test, the technician noted that an individual can register their car at AAA instead of waiting at the DMV.

Remembering what Maria had said, just call people once so you as an individual don't seem like you are needy.

Today was such a wonderful day, I learned how to change the brakes on a car.  Although the process was simple, changing the brakes requires soldering the brake disc.  I am thankful for Jay, he uses name brand brakes and provides professional service. 

Today was a great day, I had a chance to know different people. I can see tomorrow will be another positive day where I get to learn more about life's lessons.

About to head to bed again, hoping to collect my thoughts for the next day, again.
Then, I realized if I were to do that, again, I would be falling into the same rut, again.

I'm here trying to push myself on a consistent basis.


Recapping for Friday, I am thankful that I had a chance to bond with Maria and Alex.  I learned there are five types of love: touch, gifts, words of affirmation, time, service.  I am thankful that today went by very smoothly, I was focusing on my classroom nothing else.

Having sleep does wonders, I feel recharged and ready to start another beautiful day.  I am appreciative that I am here at Coffee Bean checking out the hazy sunrise while listening to one of the soundtracks for Matilda.  Life is good. I have to thank God for blessing me with another wonderful day, another day to learn from my experiences and become a better individual.


What would make me really, really, really, really happy is to be myself, the trustworthy, loyal, helpful, courteous, kind individual who is confident, passionate, and positive.

Every action has a consequence.

When dealing with people, every action has a consequence.  The consequence may be positive or it may be negative.  Everything happens for a reason, yesterday's experience was a great learning experience.  The lesson learned was not to dwell on the negative or to be at a negative state of mind since negative tends to cloud any rationale judgements.  This experience opened another experience, re-building a rapport with my mom.  I came to realize I had to confront my mom about issues that lingered in the past.  My mom provided many insightful lessons, all of which was in Chinese but another positive experience aside from reconnecting with my mom was brushing up on my Chinese.


Today is a bright new day, a new start to a new beginning.  The journey to becoming the positive man has begun.  I am a positive man.

Special thanks to God for giving me life, providing me life experiences that make a stronger person. Thank you for blessing me the opportunity to work, to learn, to grow.

Here at Starbucks, I am going to start off my day with positive mantras.
I really, really, really, really want to be the social, positive, confident Eagle Scout who is straight forward and non-reactive.

Today's Life Lessons

Today, I learned many valuable lessons: how to plan for math but most importantly in the process of learning a life lesson, I lost a friend.

Today's lesson, I need to be the Eagle Scout that I am. I need to remember an Eagle Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent.   It seems lately, I have forgotten the way of the Eagle, the way I was raised.

Today's lesson, I learned that I need to be upfront immediately, I should not wait until hours afterwards to discuss the problem.  It scares me when I have to confront my problems, I just have to remember that I have to get out of my confront zone and strive through it. Experiencing what I experienced will make me a stronger person.


Today's lesson, I learned I need to be courteous and kind to everyone, especially my friends.  Under no circumstances, should I be the undesired, rude asshole. I need to be mindful of my tone and body language.  Most importantly, I need to provide clarification rather than responding to one worded responses.  I am a man, not some caveman.

With that said and done, from this point on, I am going to make a conscious effort
1. to follow through with all my engagements and appointments (this week, I need to email Chandra an updated schedule, bake sale, plan for science, setting up parent conferences, inputting the iep progress)
2. continue to be the way of the Eagle, especially being courteous and kind.  I need to be mindful of everyone, I should not say things that will harm anyone or in my case, losing a friendship.
3. what happened in the past, happened in the past. There is no sense in dwelling over it.

A process I am looking forward to, I need to become the better person I desired.

As a behavioral therapist, I had the opportunity to work with a 19 year-old child who does not know how to express himself when he is angry, tired, or asking for assistance.  Providing positive reinforcement and video modeling, the child now knows what to do when he is tired and angry. When he is tired, he would take a short break by washing his face and partake in some exercises. When he gets upset, he now knows that he needs to uncross his arms, open his eyes, take 10 deep breaths, count to 10, and talk to someone how he is feeling and why is he feeling this way.  He also knows to document his feelings on a feeling journal.

An example of student’s academic growth was when I was working with a fifth grader who was an emergent reader and was not eager to learn. Through environmental print, word games, repeated readings, Language Experience Approach, and reading to younger students, the child was eager to learn and was able to identify words on his own.

Inspiring

While waiting in the waiting room for my sister to conduct her endoscopy, CNN had a segment on the only Afghan women's soccer team and their struggles they've overcame. Tell me about something you are passionate about, something against all odds, you continued to pursue.

Act 1, scene 1. Take 1

 

Hola Seniorita,

How are you feeling?
Until you are better, I will defer the cost of $5 for the pictures and $50.99 for shipping and handling. :p
Word on the street is that virtual chicken soup cures migraines.  :)

Honestly, the rest of the vacation was a blur. Funny thing was that the tour group rode the bus from Vancouver to Seattle, US customs had to search all of our bags, requesting the 60 year old driver to remove all those bags himself. After X-raying our bags, one of the guys from the bus was detained for about an hour causing the rest of us to barely make it to the airport. Although I remained calm as everyone on the bus was feeling antsy,  it felt like the scene from Home Alone 2 where they were rushing to the airport. Have you had any experiences where your life seemed like a scene from a movie?

By the way, how was the remaining of your trip?

Wishing you a speedy recovery,
Phil

trapped in the vortex.

News reports noted the in the eye of the everlasting tornado is calm, the news reporters have not taken into consideration that this tornado consumes you even when her presence is not around.

trapped in a zoo.

After a month of being sober, I had another carving for desserts. Being trapped in a zoo, I can't even eat desserts in my home especially when my mom and sister are at home. I have to venture off looking for desserts. Normally, I look for desserts without considering looking at the refrigerator, yesterday I considered the other alternative being that I do not have income. Sadly, I went to a pastry shop and came home feeling ashamed of myself. The broken promises and the endless lies, I have become a monster trapped in a zoo where all I feel like I could do is just walk in my den. I could imagine being free from the zoo, the monster within will transform into the confident man, I always wanted to be. Rather than being restricted to just walking or countless hours of sleeping, having my own place, my animal instincts will turn on and I could freely chase gazettes, climb, swim, run, as I please.

While writing about animals, I am going to write about my favorite animals.
Favorite land animal- Horse, the sheer power and the majestic look.
Favorite aquatic animals: Sea Otter for its cuteness, dolphins for their intelligence
Favorite bird: Fried Chicken, all kidding aside, the Bald Eagle. I would have chosen the Griffin, if its real.

Las Lomitas Elementary School District Statement

My memorable experience with a child with special needs was my first consumer as a behavioral therapist.  Spending time with the child, I learned how to be a better teacher and a better person. At the time, Cade was a seven year old boy with limited verbal and was diagnosed with Autism.   Since Cade has limited verbal, I learned that everything a child does has a communication function whether Cade points because he wants an item or is crying because he does not want to work on the non-preferred activity, there are four communication functions: to get attention, to get a tangible object, to escape or avoid a non-preferred activity, or self-stemming behavior.  

In addition to learning about the functions of communication, Cade has shown me that I as the teacher need to provide two choices and to reduce the task if he has a tantrum. If Cade has a tantrum because of frustration from a non-preferred task, reducing the task helps regain control and compliance from the child.  Most importantly, I learned that children should not be blamed for any reason; children are smart individuals where they learned their behaviors from their environment.

Facebook status

Found this on a friend's Facebook status, "Life is full of Cheaters Liars, and Selfish people...well guess what Karma's a bitch and what goes around, comes around..."

What I had to respond was men are respectful and mature while boys play games.

Body of lies

Lies, lies, everywhere.
Don't know what to think.

Question #55: Can I tell if somebody is lying? How?
At this moment, I would not make a good FBI agent for the following reason: I have limited experience reading body language which means I can not tell if someone is lying.  Inspired by this question, I decided to ask my 11 year old cousin to tell me two truths and one lie.  I was trying to look for subtleties like eyes shifting or being fidgety, my trusting nature believed her and was not able to distinguish the truths and the lie.

Hoping to use the Internet as a tool to find techniques about reading people, eHow.com explains trusting my gut. I'm listening to my gut and my gut is telling me to indulge in some pasta.

Class from hell + lameduck teacher = Nonplus situation

Today's word of the day, legerity.

Yesterday, I felt nonplus while subbing the class from hell. I was questioning whether or not I should be a teacher since my classroom management (or lack of) was apparent. Reflecting on yesterday's challenging classroom, I should have been legerity as I am with behavioral therapy. As a behavioral therapist, one needs to record the ABCs, the antecedent (the action before the behavior), the behavior, and the consequence. While I was subbing, I was caught up in the behavior (in my case, students were fighting, and talking). I wanted to extinguish the consequence (most of time, taking away their recess, telling the students to get back to work, redirecting them to another activity were among the many strategies I used to reduce the behavior from repeating).

Other classroom teachers complimented me on how my students were able to walk in a line, noting it was the best they have seen in a long time. Another classroom teacher whom I send students that were misbehaving said I did an excellent job and that it was not my fault. She also noted previous substitute teachers for this class breaking out in tears. Thankfully, I remained I was non-reactive. Toward the end of the day, the principal asked how was the class, I had a short pause and replied by saying, "It was a great learning experience." I guess the principal was anticipating for me to say "the class was interesting" what other substitute teachers would say.  I then noted that the students were bright and had the potential to succeed. The smile on her face gave a sense of appreciation and relief that they assigned a substitute teacher that could handle a difficult situation.

Leaving the war-zone with battle scars, I survived a day from hell. Being in war, I seen brothers fighting against brothers, cries of students screaming "be quiet," students talking over each other. It was something horrific to see and experience but I guess every teacher needs to experience.

Today's word of the day, nonpluss fits into today's news article how US Intelligence might consider using Google to track searches. I wonder when will they start reading minds or inputting a chip in the head to access our thoughts.

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, its off to eschewing I go. Mesmerized by your effulgent personality, I want to spend the rest of my life with you or until the episode of Full House is over. Having technology at my fingertips is a great opportunity to escape from the mundane.

People would die to be in my situation. Since I'm writing about my perspective, I might as well educate myself with what is going on outside of Phillip's world.

Reading an article from the BBC--a news station similar to CNN which I fell in love with every time I visit a foreign country. BBC, a news station unlike local stations in the United States focuses on covering the news, not about Paris Hilton or any other celebrity.--the Syrian government will be amending a law that will loosen restrictions on media as well as increasing benefits and wages for individuals in the public sector.

The sheer chaos, people panicking and screaming, the sounds of bullets in the air is a different atmosphere than the protest I attended when I was pursuing my Bachelors degree. A protest against capitalism, a protest against NAFTA was a peaceful demonstration. I remember taking a bus from Cal State LA, heading down to Tijuana where I  heard speakers voicing out their concerns and signs of "People Before Profit" were waving as individuals marched across the Mexican-American border.

I have to give respect for individuals continuing to the fight for a value they believe in.  It is encouraging how these individuals fight for a cause and despite the hardships they experience, they have a feeling that justice will work out.

Question 2: What do I think about most when I'm just standing in a queue?
In this world, nothing is certain except for death, taxes, and lines.
Whether its waiting in line at the supermarket or at the Department of Motor Vehicles, I think of a technique that was used in an Italian film, Life is Beautiful where the protagonist would use his energy to attract the woman of his dreams and protecting his son at a concentration camp.  In my case, my fingers begin to move like an ocean wave pushing out as I am making affirmations of being the next in line. When I die, I'll be making the same affirmations in Heaven, hoping that my assertion would expedite my admittance.

I'm praying to God, Buddha, Zeus now so I can receive a tax-break or even a tax-refund. Hopefully, I don't get audited.
                                                                                                                     

Today,I noticed how cars by a school near my house is similar to the V formation of geese. It is interesting how humans have a lot of similarities with animals.  Learning from animals can help us learn more about human behaviors.  Back in October 2010, I was tempted to take a UCLA extension course where I learn about behavioral studies with animals in the zoo. Unfortunately, I had to work.  C'est la vie.

Another new beginning...

Finding the courage to take a bull by its horns begins by having balls the size of a bull. If only Walmart sells bull size balls, then maybe I'll skip work and possibly stand in line for four hours. Hell, even if bull balls can be germinated in 4 to 6 weeks with sunlight and water, knowing that I finally have bull-sized balls, the ability to be fearless, is priceless. My past mentality was limited to being paralyzed due to over thinking.

The 9-1-1 Buddhist within is telling me that the past is behind me, today is new day, a new day to be the best person I can be. When obstacles are in the way, I need to remember each obstacle is to teach me a life lesson and not give up.

For the longest time, writing a journal was an eschew.  I would rather scrape barnacles on a pier or shave Chewbacca's chest hair than to express my thoughts in a journal. There's a couple reasons why I am inputting my thoughts is so I can...
1. become a better communicator, being able to converse and connect to another person.
2. record my experiences, to reflect.
3. expand my lexicon (many thanks to word of the day, and today's word of the day was eschew)
4. to know myself as a person.


Tonight's talk with Terry reminded me of  Goodbye to Shy, a self-help book written by Leil Lowndes. I bought this book so I can initiate and maintain conversations with other individuals.  Appendix B has 100 self-knowledge questions which I have every intention of answering. Hopefully, I will not be eschewing these questions.

Question 1: What is an ideal relationship to me?
Regardless of gender, my ideal relationship would be a person who can initiate and carry a conversation, a positive individual, an open-minded and goal oriented person, a person whom I can goof around with, a person who is adventurous (whether its trying new restaurants or going on a hike), a person who is honest/loyal, a person who tolerates my craziness, a person who is educated (not necessary formal education) but a person who believes education is ongoing and has minimal discrimination toward the human race. It's like the Chinese proverb, "only the educated are free from discrimination."  Basically, it all comes down to chemistry.

When friends ask me about the ideal girl, I tell them what was previously mentioned and they think its demanding and that I have this checklist that I use to screen relationships. How is that different from their own ideal relationship, everybody sets expectations for those they want to be surrounded with.

Sigh. God, Buddha, Zeus bless hypocrisy. 
Human hypocrisy at its finest. What gets me is how teachers are one of the biggest hypocrites. A overgeneralized statement based on my own life experiences. Teachers stress the importance of reading, writing, physical education, recycling, and their belief on learning.

It gets to me how teachers want students to be life-long learners but they themselves do not take action to become proactive learners. Once they earned their credential, many teachers feel like they learned everything but in fact, learning is everywhere and ongoing. The day an individual stops learning is the day the individual dies.  Confucious once said, To know is to know that you know nothing. That is the meaning of true knowledge.  

I'm guilty of being in a hypocrite, hopefully keeping an ongoing journal will decrease my status from full time hypocrite to part time hypocrite. Stay tuned for another new beginning....

March 9

While I was tutoring at the library, a Native American was sharing dances, antidotes, and stories.


Everything evolves and is a circle. There is a purpose to everything.


Getting a glimpse every so often and overhearing his passion, I am feeling inspired to photograph many cultures and the stories behind each photograph.


The journey to manhood is different among cultures, everyone has a different journey. It would be nice if there were directions for this journey.  If only life were that easy.

January18?

On January, 2011, I had been at war for almost a week, and my immune system were near despair. Day in, day out, I lived in fear that my infection will consume me.
Being a prisoner at home for almost a week, I have a an everlasting fever while feeling the constant need to keep myself warm.

The positives: Thankfully, I got sick before working with children in different settings.

January 14

I decided to change the title of Phillip's Journey to The Art of Zen and Cycle came to the realization that this is not a journey that I am facing myself. Last night, I talked to my Buddhist leader and he noted I should chant more.

This morning I began chanting with my Buddhist leader and read the following passage: "At this passage indicates, although at the outset the membership in your country may be small, the Mystic Law will spread you to be impatient.  If you achieve something easily right from the start, you will find no sense of fulfillment or joy.  It is in making tenacious, all-out efforts for construction that profound happiness lies," My Dear Friends in America.

I need to remember to be patient and diligent.

January 12

Eat, sleep, bike, teach. I woke up to find out that I was in a cycling position.

Things happen for a reason.
Waking up, I went over to LA Unified School District to do some paperwork for the TA position, found out there's a Little Bangladesh by Koreatown.

Met some wonderful people in West Hollywood. The managers of Frosted Cupcakery and John Kelly Chocolates told me how they volunteered or had friends who participated LifeCycle, it was great hearing their stories.  In case you haven't known about Frosted Cupcakery, they have cupcakes for people and for dogs as well.

• Many thanks to Frosted Cupcakery, Incycle, Corniche, John Kelly Chocolates, and IO West Improv for their contribution/future contributions.

January 11

How would you feel if you had 144 days to accomplish your goal? I, personally have 144 more days to raise at least $3,000 to ride from San Francisco to Los Angeles while fighting against AIDS. In the back of my mind, I can hear my friends and family chanting "Si Se Puede," even when the skies may be gray, "Si Se Puede" will be my driving force to succeed.

To quote a Chinese proverb how a journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. Today, I felt like I have not only taken a step but a giant leap. The inner kangaroo within, jumping over some of life's hurdles.  The inner kangaroo is telling me to look for the silver lining even when the skies are gray or else he will beat me up much how "Mama is gonna to knock out."

Since no one showed up for tutoring today, I went over to Bath & Beyond, Target, Subway, Radioshack, Fresh and Easy, Starbucks, Office Depot, Jamba Juice, and UPS. Bless everyone's souls for either trying to get gift certificates or providing me the district manager's contact information.  Not only did I talk to managers, I also signed up for a blog.

Today will serve as the stepping stone for tomorrow, tomorrow I need to call the district managers for many of these companies and continue to look for donations. No action is irrelevant, every action has a purpose.

Random thoughts related to today...

• If approved for gift certificates, all gift certificates will be raffled which all proceeds go to AIDS/Lifecycle as well as individuals who contributed.
• As a thank you for major corporations who donate at least $1,000, I plan to make a customized bike jersey, all of which is coming out of my own pocket.
• Drinking orange juice five minutes before workout, may not be the wisest choices.
• I am glad to meet such wonderful people who are genuinely interested in helping a cause and fellow human beings.